Posted by: S.Hofmeister | June 29, 2011

Good: Google +

Well this just looks cool:

BUt do we need yet another social networking site? If I joined every social networking site out there I’d have the most anti-social social life EVER!

“Hey Si, what are you up to?”

“GET OUT OF MY ROOM. I’M SOCIALISING”

“But you’re on your own?”

“Well yes, physically I am alone but the screen in front of me is covered in friends!”

Obviously China are fully aware of this potential problem because they’ve already blocked Google +

CHILL OUT CHINA! Frightened no one will ‘like’ you? Eh? Eh? Yeaaaaaa.

 

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Posted by: S.Hofmeister | May 18, 2011

Good: Curious Old Man

Some cruel, thankless guy in America has fooled his poor 81-year-old father into thinking that Twitter is a search engine. As a result his twitter account is made up of the search queries of an 81-year-old man.

I’m slightly dubious as to whether this is real or not. Actually I’ll rephrase that, I don’t think it’s real. If it was real then the old guy would have cracked by now and screamed: THIS CANNOT BE HOW SOMEONE SEARCHES! THERE ARE NO GOD DAMN RESULTS! I’M 81 YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD, I’M NOT STUPID! JUST HELP ME OUT THIS ONCE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Also, if it was real, I think that the searches would look more like this:

  • life expectancy of an American male
  • is there a God?
  • what happens when you die?
  • GILF
  • make your own viagra

But hey, screw it, it’s funny anyway:

Posted by: S.Hofmeister | May 15, 2011

Bad: Double Dream…Kids?

Latest YouTube sensation John ‘Double Dream Appendages’ Jacobson makes dance videos and choreographs musicals for kids but, to anyone over the age of about 6, his video’s are hilarious.

As a result he’s amassed a few million views on YouTube and I for one will be pulling out some of his uber slick moves in many a dance-off to come.

However…whilst reading about Mr. Jacobson I came across this rather creepy song on his website called ‘The Most Beautiful Kid in the World’ (hit the link to have a listen). I hate to be cynical (I actually love it) but there’s something a bit odd about a man who works solely with kids and writes songs about how beautiful they are.

Anyway, kiddy fiddler or not, these videos are still damn funny. Just try not to think about the fact that he MIGHT be a paedophile whilst you watch them.

Only joking, I’m sure he’s not a paedophile.

OK I’m not sure but he probably isn’t.

Is he?

I DON’T KNOW?!? But what I do know is that I should stop saying the word ‘paedophile’.

Just watch these and laugh at the funny man dance:

Posted by: S.Hofmeister | March 2, 2011

Good: Watch the Sheen unfold.

I couldn’t be more interested in all of this.

Posted by: S.Hofmeister | March 2, 2011

Bad: Natalie Kenly needs what?!

Imagine my absolute horror when looking at my blog stats today and finding this:

Who on earth typed that into a search engine?! Isn’t it just an opinion as opposed to a search term? Were they expecting to find someone to agree with them? Was it Charlie Sheen trying to prove a point in order to get laid?

So many unanswered questions!

Posted by: S.Hofmeister | February 28, 2011

Bad: Have you Sheen the state of him?

I love it when a celebrity goes completely mental.

Charlie Sheen has the sort of life that most men his age dream of.

He earns around $2,000,000 for each 20 minute episode of one distinctly average sitcom and he lives with (and presumably makes awkward, geriatric love to) these three women:

Bree Olsen - The Porn Star


Brooke Mueller - The Ex Wife

Natalie Kenly - The Nanny

Admittedly they look particularly good in the pictures above.

Here’s a more realistic view of how they look on a day-to-day basis:

All they need to do is add two guys into the mix and they could re-make the 1991 children’s TV series ‘5 Children and It‘ with Charlie Sheen as the Psammead.

Despite the rather ropy day-to-day look of his harem it would be incredibly easy for him to lock himself away in a drug-filled fuck-palace, totally aware and thankful of the fact that he’s a very lucky 50-year-old man. Other men all over the world would wake up every morning in a loveless marriage next to their wizened old wives, glancing briefly at them and tutting with bitter resentment before trudging downstairs to start another boring day in the same old boring job. As they say goodbye to the kids they didn’t even want and fumble around for the car keys that they just know are somewhere down the back of the sofa covered in lint and bits of old peanut, they would think to themselves.

“God I wish I was Charlie Sheen.”

Now though, finding themselves in exactly the same grim (and largely inaccurate) view of modern-day family life as above, they are more likely to think.

“It could be worse, I could be Charlie Sheen”

Look and listen to the state of him:

What’s brilliant about this (apart from the fact that he says that he’s a “rock star from Mars”) is that it’s infinitely more amusing than the god-awful comedy series that had to be put on hold as a result of the state he’s in.

Having said that I would like them to finish the current series of ‘Two and a Half Men’ but rename it ‘One Man, One Boy and a Deluded Bellend’

 

 

Posted by: S.Hofmeister | February 26, 2011

Noises: Dananananaykroyd – NEW SONG!

Danananaykroyd defined my summer back in 2009 and Hey Everyone! is one of those albums that I don’t think I’ll ever tire of.

They’re phenomenal live and have been playing new songs at gigs for a while now so it’s nice to finally hear one ‘laid down’ as they say in the biz. Also it means that the new album is practically close enough to smell!

The new song is called ‘E Numbers’ and it’s gooood.

Check it!:

http://soundcloud.com/workit/dananananaykroyd-e-numbers

This is also worth a listen because it’s bloody excellent:

 

Posted by: S.Hofmeister | January 19, 2011

Bad: What hippies do with babies

(full, original video can be watched here and I’m afraid it’s real)

What totally confuses me about this is how this baby-spinning hippy got started?

At what point do you think to yourself “Might just spin that baby about by its arms for a bit.”?

How do you know that the baby’s shoulders wont dislocate? Or that it’s not doing any long-term damage?

A similar question was asked of Lena Fokina (the baby-spinner) in an interview after this video went viral:

Interviewer: I have two small children and I was, you know, careful with them when they were newborns. So it was hard for me to watch your video. It looks like it has to injure the child. Their hands? The cartilage in the joints? Their brains?
Lena: No. It makes the hands stronger.

She seems to have conveniently chosen not mention the potential cartilage and brain damage and focused on the hands…the very important hands. I wasn’t aware that it was particularly important for a baby to have strong hands. They pick enough dangerous stuff up as it is with their naturally weak hands. Surely last thing a parent wants to have to worry about is their baby picking up pickaxes and handling timber?

“Well we’d love to go out more often and feel safe leaving the baby with a sitter but to be honest we’ve been swinging the poor bugger about a bit too much and now his hands are abnormally strong. Last week he strangled the dog and we’re not sure what else he’s capable of.”

Here she is dual wielding:

 

They look like kebab meat

 

As much as I think this is new-age bollocks…I kind of want to try it.

If someone wants to loan me a baby then sling (and I do mean ‘sling’ – it’ll be good for its hands) one over.

 

Posted by: S.Hofmeister | January 13, 2011

Bad: Worst Back Ever

Was it worth the amount of vomit that the tattoo artist must have showered all over this woman’s back whilst doing this?

No.

Posted by: S.Hofmeister | January 2, 2011

Noises: Enemies

There’s a huge amount of talent coming out of Ireland on the music front from independent Irish record label; Richter Collective (for me they’re a bit like an Irish Big Scary Monsters) and Enemies are just one of many gracing my iPod these days.

They’re an instrumental 4-piece combining a mixture of math and post rock (mainly math though…I think anyway? There’s so many blurred lines between genres these days!) and doing it very well indeed:

If you like what you hear then be sure to check out their debut full length ‘We’ve Been Talking’, it’s a corker.

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